Why NOT R2I ...

[ablautchalen]

first of all sorry for the long post
Hello,
I have been a silent follower of this forum. It a gold mine for information related to R2I'ers.
People have put their experiences here which helps lot of folks who are sitting on the fence deciding to go back.
I'm one of the of the persons who will be reaching that stage soon , so all the members here who have R2ied , going to R2i , those who have R2A'ed and LIA please help me get rid of my dilemma, i understand it finally boils down to ones personal choice (including family decision) but

So here's my situation (which is very similar to a typical NRI working for more than 10 yrs ), starting 15 yrs back

Stage 1 - I Graduated from pvt Engg collge in Mech engg. I had a big craze for the 'amrika' and so did my friends and seniors in college.
Took GRE/TOEFL well in advance before graduation so that i wont waste a single semester.
Got admission in a state univ and got my Visa for 5 yrs. I was the happiest man in the world. I was already dreaming of the big buildings, nice roads, cars, girls , etc..(seniors
used tell me stories abt parties on school campuses)
Stage 2 - Landed US my fascination became reality.I was thrilled to be in US. Enjoying every moment of it. Never missed India.
I was hooked to all kinds of Rock, metal music, holly wood movies.
In 2 yrs Completed my MS but with a $25,000 school loan price tag.

Stage 3 - Tragic incident happened , my dad passed away. Rushed to India.
I was the only son and my sister completed her graduation. Financially we were not that well off .
With the support of my Mom and sis Came back to US got a job offer in IT Dev.
Worked for 3 yrs , went to India , Sister got married and my Mom started living with my Sis.
I Came back to US and continued my job. I was mentally satisfied that my sis is settled and my mom is happy living in her family.

Stage 4 - Worked for 2 yrs went to India got married and we both came to US.
At this stage somehow i had totally decided not to go back to India. I w started to think i can't live in India now with all the pollution, corruption , etc.
I appplied my Green card thinking this is it finally want to settle here. Paid off my student loan which was 25K.

Stage 5 - After 3 yrs we had a boy and 1.5 yrs later we had a girl , they are now 6 and 4.5.
During this stage we made a couple of trips to India met all of our relatives/friends which we hadn't seen for yrs , and for the first time felt very good visiting India.
Somewhere between these two trips i had second thoughts of going back to India. I still don't know the reason why my mind . I think may be a part of reason is i
wanted to show my kids India the country where we were brought up. Or may be i wanted to go back to where i belong.
On our second trip i enjoyed my stay in India the most. Ate like a pig, slept like a log , enjoyed every moment. I hated to board my flight back to US.
All my taste buds for US were completely gone, i started to think problems are in every country. Its the lens with which we look thru matters. I started to think more patriotically
towards India.


Stage 6 - Currently After 3 yrs the feeling to go back has gone stronger. I get moved by the social issues in India like poverty,crime,corruption. I think i should contribute back to India in some
way in whatever way i can or im capable of instead of running away from it or closing my eyes.
My wife has not thought of going back or settle here in US.
She feels secure and comfortable in US, but she also doesn't say i don't want to live in India either. I haven't discussed in detail with her yet. But she knows i want to go back.
Kids are 6 and 4.5 just started going to KG and pre-school here.
We dont have a house here , live a very simple basic life .
Career wise i m in a tech lead role with 13 yrs experience in IT Dev, not a workaholic but do my basic duties meet all teh deadlines. etc. come back home to spend time with my family.
Green card is still pending , god knows when will i get it. I lost all hopes , using my EAD to switch jobs.
Sometimes i dont get sleep thinking whether should i back or not.
My Mom is happy at my sis place , she is flexible , says you stay where you are happy.

In India me and my wife and have our both sides relatives and friends.
We have a fully paid house (worth 50L), couple of ancestral properties and savings wise on one salary we might have 60L (i know very low if compared to the amount i saw in the "How much is enough ..." series threads. We are not lavish spenders live a very simple life.eating out once in a month sometimes in 2 months.
Our primary cities to R2I (if we decide to R2I) in focus is Hyderabad, Pune,Nagpur,Cochin,Trichy.
Salary Expectations - 1L take home after tax in a city like HYD. The main reason why im stressing HYD is i did all my schooling and part of colege from HYD. So its a familiar city for me.
There are no health concerns for any of us atleast for now.

The two main reasons i want to go back -

1) My mom
2) Sense of belonging in home country
3) Raise my Kids in India
4) Retire in my ancestral village.
5) Die in my own country
6) food, culture , relatives , friends. etc
7) Never worry of H-1 status, being jobless for days.


I know we will have lot of challenges but if you can answer my following questions
1) why shouldnt i R2I ?
2) considering all the factors what serious challenges can we face ?
3) Should we get our GC/citizenship first(currently we don't have GC yet)
4) If i R2I i get a guilt feeling that i will be taking all the comforts and luxury from my Kids and wife which i was fascinated when i first came here ( remember stages 1-4)
Will the above guilt feeling be temporary and it will wash away after a period of time?
5) Is it a wise decision to move back or stay put in US where we are , don't think much , relax n enjoy life in US .
6) Is there a right time for us to R2I ? like Kids reaching certain age , etc..
7)what if we dont make it through , will it be a waste of time , money and energy?

Memebrs , Please answer the above questions considering all my situation
I kjow there is no perfect answer, the important think is what do you think ? Considering this is a wide audeince of people who went back , setlled in India , or going to R2I and also the ones who have thought R2I is not for them.

Thanks

[goenkar]

Just my 2 cents, more than advice, just stating my views. I am also in the same boat as you, but obviously you are at a senior level in the industry than I am and can easily afford to r2i with the desired salary expectation if not more. In your case, your kids are USC, so if I don't think you should be worried about kids gc/usc issues.When I came here, I was also "done" with India, this was the home of all creature comforts, but now when i sit and think, i truly feel empty inside. The last few trips I have gone back to India, I instantly feel alive and am so content and happy with relatives and social structure. I think it also depends on your upbringing, since I grew in a joint family atmosphere, over here being alone is like taking fish out of water. Money is important, but at some point if you are not happy, you can't even enjoy your earnings. Talk to your wife, as in your case your decision affects 4 lives. But i'm sure other members will give you pros and cons, but finally the bottom line will be "follow your heart". good luck

[LBRS]

ablautchalen,
well written post. your dilemma is understandable and all of us go through it at some point of time. If you want to experience "New India", my advise to you is to get your GC and then move back to India. So you have an option to R2A if you or family can't adjust in India. Visiting India for a couple of weeks of vacation is lot different from living in India. You will be basking in hot/warm weather compared to the U.S winters, delicicous food, relatives, a good exchange rate for dollar so no guilt in indulging and so on...but when you start living in India, the day to day problems will start creeping and after a few years you will start questioning your decision.

In my view, for a successul voluntary R2I (i.e not because of visa/gc issues etc.,) and staying put in India you need a strong very motivating factor other than want give back society, enjoying Indian festivals, sense of belongingness etc.,etc., The motivating factor could be parents, a good career opportunity or good savings so that you can retire/semi retire. Otherwise, day to day living will be a challenge and all the above reasoning for your R2I will look trivial and you will face the dilemma whether to LII or R2A.

My suggestion, get you GC, move to India, ...if all works out you can stay, if not you can R2A.

[ablautchalen]

@goenkar

Thanks buddy for the first reply.
I too feel the same way. I agree money/comfort are obviously important in life , we should be happy no matter where we are. thats all matters. but later there will be a lingering thought in my mind ,i wish i had R2Ied.
When i talk to my freinds about it they say "Take it easy man , relax, life is too short too worry abt these things", and i agree to most part of it.

@LBRS
Thank you for your honest answer
I too heard the new India is not the same which was 10-20 yrs back , things are expensive. daily life is a big struggle.
My only concern is if i wait longer to get my green card and then 4 yrs later USC the deeper i will sink into this quicksand and it will be more difficult to move then than in 2-3 yrs. Im giving my self 2-3 yrs so that kids will reach the threshold age where they will be able to adjust in India. one of my friend they moved back with 13 yr old daughter. and he is sailing the high seas now with no problems.

[ablautchalen]

Just a word of caution, Maintaing the GC is a pain when R2I. A GC mean you want to live in US on permananent basis, maintaining GC from overseas is no fun.

Thats true , once i get my gc ( just looked at the Visa bulleting today , EB3 is crawling like a snail) i will wait to get my USC.

[nyc2ncr]

1) why shouldnt i R2I ? - No reason, do it
2) considering all the factors what serious challenges can we face ? - As long you agree with the philosophy that there are more important things in life than good roads and infrastructure, you'll be fine
3) Should we get our GC/citizenship first(currently we don't have GC yet) - If you are close to the GC, take it
4) If i R2I i get a guilt feeling that i will be taking all the comforts and luxury from my Kids and wife which i was fascinated when i first came here ( remember stages 1-4) - You're the reason they are in the US, so be selfish
6) Is there a right time for us to R2I ? like Kids reaching certain age , etc.. - younger they are, the easier it is. Your kids are at an ok age now
7)what if we dont make it through , will it be a waste of time , money and energy? - Eh. You get to spend more time in your homeland. Enjoy it.


My personal view is that as long as you make good money, things like infrastructure woes etc. don't bother you too much and you are in an area close to family and friends, you'll be fine with R2I.

[rsvictory]

1) why shouldnt i R2I ? Please R2I.
2) considering all the factors what serious challenges can we face ? Like others said, if you make good bucks, rest is all ok
3) Should we get our GC/citizenship first(currently we don't have GC yet) If you are like 6months - 1 year from GC, you can wait.
4) If i R2I i get a guilt feeling that i will be taking all the comforts and luxury from my Kids and wife which i was fascinated when i first came here ( remember stages 1-4) We all feel the same way :) but make your heart as a stone and take such decision. No wonder R2i is not so easy.
Will the above guilt feeling be temporary and it will wash away after a period of time? should be fine my friend. GC, citizenship are more trouble to your R2I. Atleast you don't have to play the double game. Most of us(including me) are stuck because we invested in real estate, have citizenship etc. It will make life more miserable :(((
5) Is it a wise decision to move back or stay put in US where we are , don't think much , relax n enjoy life in US . My 2 cents here is... Its just rosy on the outside. At the end of the day you are not satisfied. you always seem to miss the company of our own family and belonging and the togetherness. If you are too self-centered and does not bother, then its ok
6) Is there a right time for us to R2I ? like Kids reaching certain age , etc.. Kids younger the better
7)what if we dont make it through , will it be a waste of time , money and energy? Again if you are in IT, you will get the salary at par with the industry standards. You have good international exposure too. don't compare dollars vs rupees. You should learn to adjust.

In the end I feel it all depends on how determined you are to take up this R2I challenge. The plus point that you have is that you did not invest in real estate nor you have citizenship. These are all teasers and believe me they will make you go crazy on deciding LIA or R2I. Discuss with your better half and come up to a decision. All the best.. chalo phir.

[somebody]

ablautchalen - Do whatever your wife says!! Atleast you will not be split in the decision and you can have some peace in life!!! ;)

[KirKS]

1) why shouldnt i R2I ?

Of course you can, you should and you most likely will based on what you wrote.

2) considering all the factors what serious challenges can we face ?

Clarity is what is missing on WHY you want to R2I. Yes, you have described many reasons, but just looking at the sheer list of cities spread over 1500 KM north-south axis, I feel you have not thought about location. Destination is very important. If you mess up the town/city you R2I, everything can collapse. Please do spend time figuring out one or at the most 2 cities that you can locate to.

Hyderabad seems to be your familiar city, but what you saw 15-20 years back is not what it is now.

You need to figure out language familiarity or at least compatibility, food habits, weather, distance to your close relatives' cities/towns/villages, job opportunities for you and spouse, educational facilities for kids and much more. Don't just go to "any" city. Do a thorough analysis and fix one or two cities.

3) Should we get our GC/citizenship first(currently we don't have GC yet)

If you get through GC, you are essentially stuck in US for 5 to 6 years easily. Decide. Do you want to R2I the earliest in 2018 (since you don't have GC yet) or now. Only you can decide. If you decide to R2I, be almost certain that you may never get back to where you are now in terms of GC/USC acquiring stage. I am not discouraging you, but practically telling you that in your 40s or 50s going through the same H1 -> EAD -> GC -> USC years is a lot harder than what you already went through.

Since kids are most likely USCs, you may be better off R2I'ing now. You always have a chance to visit US or even settle permanently in US during 2020s without much hassle.

4) If i R2I i get a guilt feeling that i will be taking all the comforts and luxury from my Kids and wife which i was fascinated when i first came here ( remember stages 1-4)
Will the above guilt feeling be temporary and it will wash away after a period of time?

Emotion.. sheer emotion. Let it go.
Kids will grow up anywhere. Love is important and India does have decent enough international schooling facilities. It is not Sahara desert.

5) Is it a wise decision to move back or stay put in US where we are , don't think much , relax n enjoy life in US .

See 3.

6) Is there a right time for us to R2I ? like Kids reaching certain age , etc..

See 3.

7)what if we dont make it through , will it be a waste of time , money and energy?

Either you make it happen in R2I for 15 years based on the age of your kids, or don't R2I. There is no middle ground for you I guess, unless you shake up big time to make one more international move (either US or other place) if R2I does not work out.

My suggestion. R2I. You seem to be having a family that is young & adjustable. Your lifestyle described is quite easygoing which fits into India and your immigration status is in not-so-pretty status.

Good luck.
- Kiran (my 4th year of R2I now, not for a day repented the decision. Also never had any major complaint in US too).