Diary of an unrooted Indian

unrooted · Post by **unrooted** » Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:05 pm

I thought I will write down my stream of consciousness on our plans to return to India and get some feedback from other potential returnees. I am in my early 30s, married but with no children (yet). My husband and I are both academics educated in the US and lived and worked in both Europe and the US. In total this is the twelfth year we have lived abroad. I am more keen to R2I compared to my husband. But he has decided to go along with this 'experiment'.

I have no tangible reason for returning and the more I speak to Indians who have recently moved abroad and to my family, it seems that the 'India', I grew up in the 1990s has changed substantially. Also I don't really feel that I belong anywhere - I was born in eastern India, grew up in Bombay, completed my M.A. and Ph.D. in the US (lived there for 7 years) and have been living in Europe for the past 5 years. So I am from everywhere and from nowhere. Of course continuing to live in Europe is a false choice because of the xenophobia - both real as well as the general discourse. Immigrants, regardless of education and linguistic competence don't feel terribly integrated in Europe.

My husband has got a job though I haven't yet, but I am open to taking a couple of years off to have a family in the meanwhile and so not very anxious. As academics though what worries us is the cost of living in India. Salaries in the west ensure that as a young academic you have a comfortable standard of living. Although salaries in India have gone up considerably especially in the premier institutes, they are still insufficient to lead the kind of lives we have grown used to living. And I won't even compare it with corporate salaries because that is just depressing! Of course if money was the most important factor, we would have never even considered going back and instead just moved back to the U.S. I don't really know why we are moving back and may be this experiment is doomed to fail. But I feel that there is so much happening in India. Every time I go back there is an electric energy, an optimism, a hope for a better future. And I feel that as an educated individual and a concerned citizen, there is much that I could contribute.

Only time will tell whether this is workable or practical...

okonomi · Post by **okonomi** » Tue Oct 23, 2012 9:01 pm

When you are unemployed, the mind wanders. And by the way, Yay....Norwich!! ... for beating Arsenal this past weekend ! You need some interests to keep you occupied / engaged. Why postpone having kids ? Especially now that you are on a career break. That is an occupation that can fill up the days rather quickly. Then you can dream of an old old brick house, small yard with a kitchen garden, near some small college campus, tenured jobs, with grad students coming to visit now and then. May be in Middlebury, Vermont or some place like that. Good luck.

Dicky_Bird · Post by **Dicky_Bird** » Tue Oct 23, 2012 9:13 pm

welcome to the R2I club, where undecided R2I folks party and try to give advice,
I must say step in right direction by posting here
Also most people who R2I or some of them came back to western world says there needs to be strong reason for going to India, hope you find one by posting here in addition to talking to your family and friends Or maybe talking to yourself, nothing is ruled out to begin the process:thup:

unrooted · Post by **unrooted** » Tue Oct 23, 2012 9:32 pm

I am not currently unemployed okonomi. But since I don't have a job in the pipeline I am assuming that I might be next year when we move. I like Middlebury Vermont :) In fact spent a lot of time in New England and lived there when we were in the US.

CulturalWisdom · Post by **CulturalWisdom** » Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:39 pm

^Welcome and I hope the choices you make will work out for you. Btw..I live NE (CT) and likely will be moving to NH for nursing school in January..just have to say northern NE is a beautiful area.

HeySar · Post by **HeySar** » Thu Oct 25, 2012 9:50 pm

Reading posts in this forum can encourage you to move to india. They can also scare you with the possibilities. We have small kids; and, now and then, we feel we ought not to impose growing up in India on them.

unrooted · Post by **unrooted** » Tue Oct 30, 2012 6:28 pm

Hi CulturalWisdom,

Good luck with Nursing School. NH is nice as well but probably not as cosmopolitan as Greater New York Area.

unrooted · Post by **unrooted** » Tue Oct 30, 2012 6:32 pm

Yes that is one of our future key concerns too! My husband and I are products of both the Indian and the American education system. When I see the pressure the kids in India are under especially just before and during High School, I really have second thoughts about whether we should burden them with the tough competition. Of course for us this is a hypothetical question right now! And I think we can always move back to the west, if we were so inclined. I sometimes wonder, is it better to look like everyone else and battle with the education system in India or is it better to be an object of racism (at least sometimes this is inevitable) but have wonderful opportunities to achieve your potential in the west? At the end of it, it is about being happy with life...of course if the answer were so easy!

back2desh · Post by **back2desh** » Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:43 am

OP, it is very difficult or nearly impossible to compare US and India and make your R2I decisions, what you get in US definitely you will not get in India and what drags you to go to India probably you miss in US and hence the struggle/dilemma of whether to R2I or LIA. Ultimately the decision is to be taken between you and your husband, many people will give many different suggestions, a successful R2I person will recommend you to R2I, a very unhappy/struggling R2Ied person will caution you from R2I and warn you of all the problems he/she is currently facing, a person who has R2Ied and then R2Aed would strongly discourage you from R2Iing, so in the end it depends on a personal choice, what you may like will not be liked by others and what you may not like be liked by others and hence the differences of opinion.

Good luck to whatever decision you make

Quickie about myself : Lived in US for 16+ years, R2Ied 2.5 years back and so far the R2I journey has been quite successful with very strong contribution to the successful R2I being my kids (10.5 and 8 years now) and wife extremely happy in India. One more thing regarding education systems in India, things have definitely changed a lot and there are many options of schools in India where the study pressure is very less and there is a balanced education for kids, my kids we have put in a CBSE school where there is importance given to other activities as well and not just academic so kids are quite balanced and they don't have much pressure.

unrooted · Post by **unrooted** » Mon Nov 05, 2012 7:44 pm

Hi back2desh. Thanks for your input. I do know about the CBSE syllabus and the 'no formal exam' type assessment which has made things slightly less stressful for Indian children. It is not so much school that I am concerned about, but after school. We are both in education and realise the stiff competition that children face these days for Engineering/Medicine/Law etc. We currently do not have adequate funds (nor can we expect to accumulate over the next 20 years) to send children abroad for their UGs. This means they will have to go through the pressure cooker of class 10th or class 12th in order to succeed in life. Both me and DH have gone through it so we know what it really feels like. Of course India has other benefits - growing up in your own culture, not feeling any different from the others, not feeling unwelcome or unwanted..you cannot put a price tag on these. Well we have made the decision to move - sometime middle of next year...hopefully things will work well.