Hi all,
I have a just-turned 5 year old daughter now. Our plan primarily has been to return back to India in 3-4 years. Lived in US for 15 years. (Apart from all other R2I questions and dilemma I mainly need some suggestions here on the kids). We have always been in a dilemma around having second kid. I am 37 yr old and my wife is 32. I and my wife personally don't want to have another kid but from past 5-6 months with our daughter growing older we feel like she needs one more sibling. Thus we are put in a dilemma now as this is conflicting (I feel) with our "living in India" plans (in long term. not just settling in India challenges..). Another reason for not planning for 2nd one is that, we hear that the education etc in India is really expensive and with 2 kids overall its very tough in India. When we go back I think I can get a job for around 25-30L. Would have around 2cr of savings/investments (including the house). Finance in India is one of the reasons for thinking to stick with one kid. My wife here in US is consulting and does not have a stable job. Thus will have to sacrifice her income for 2+ years if we plan for kid. (Her income is important from the point of view of going back to india soon, as the best case is to make more money now in US). As I mentioned we both dont have strong need(/feel) of having 2nd kid. But that thought looks like is changing now. If we have 2nd kid we should have it asap as our daughter is already 5 yrs old. Our primary goal has been to go back to India and the thought of 2nd kid has created questions/dilemma in our mind on whether having 2 kids will make our life hard in India in long term. Thus in a dilemma of should we have 2nd kid and does having second kid weigh out the challenges/conditions and current situation in India for a "common man". Would appreciate your response. Thanks in advance.
One or Two kids?
One or Two kids?
If the one who'd be pregnant, and deliver, would go along.... then have a baby.
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koolvictor
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Fri Dec 27, 2013 8:49 pm
One or Two kids?
No she is not pregnant. In a dilemma before that :)... Thanks!
One or Two kids?
Let us ignore the economic considerations.
In my opinion, the child needs a sibling.
I know of one girl 5-7 years old. One day talking to DW, she said that she wants a brother/sister. DW pointed out her cousin and said but you do have one. She said, "No, I want one of my own. She does not live with me."
DW: "Tell your mum. She has to get you a brother/sister."
Little Girl: "No, you tell her. She listens to you."
In my opinion, the child needs a sibling.
I know of one girl 5-7 years old. One day talking to DW, she said that she wants a brother/sister. DW pointed out her cousin and said but you do have one. She said, "No, I want one of my own. She does not live with me."
DW: "Tell your mum. She has to get you a brother/sister."
Little Girl: "No, you tell her. She listens to you."
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Old-Spice2
- Posts: 1898
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:38 pm
One or Two kids?
If finance is a major worry, then you should not have second kid. It is becoming expensive to raise kids, either in India or US. Think about 12 years of schooling and then 4 years of college. Don't worry about sibling for the kid. If you r2i, then she will get lot of company from relatives and friends. In US it is better to have 2 kids as there is more isolation/loneliness here.
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PeterGriffin
- Posts: 3327
- Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:12 am
One or Two kids?
Having a kid is more of an emotional decision than a financial decision.
Not everything can be reconciled to dollars and cents.
IMO, the reason to have another kid is to ensure that your kid now doesn't feel like an orphan after your time. The kid can have lots of cousins and friends but nothing beats a sibling. Whether you R2I or not, it doesn't matter.
As for the finance, you might have to make a few adjustments and compromises. But, the net benefit would be worth its weight in gold.
Not everything can be reconciled to dollars and cents.
IMO, the reason to have another kid is to ensure that your kid now doesn't feel like an orphan after your time. The kid can have lots of cousins and friends but nothing beats a sibling. Whether you R2I or not, it doesn't matter.
As for the finance, you might have to make a few adjustments and compromises. But, the net benefit would be worth its weight in gold.
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Old-Spice2
- Posts: 1898
- Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:38 pm
One or Two kids?
PeterGriffin;588127Having a kid is more of an emotional decision than a financial decision.
Not everything can be reconciled to dollars and cents.
IMO, the reason to have another kid is to ensure that your kid now doesn't feel like an orphan after your time. The kid can have lots of cousins and friends but nothing beats a sibling. Whether you R2I or not, it doesn't matter.
As for the finance, you might have to make a few adjustments and compromises. But, the net benefit would be worth its weight in gold.
I don't think kid will feel like an orphan. She will grow up, get married and have a family. If only you can provide a good education and support one should have more kids. World is getting more competitive with more people than when we grew up. Lack of resources, congestion etc is putting a strain on everyone.
I was talking to an American - he said life was good in America in 70s and 80s. One income was enough to have a decent lifestyle, put two kids to college etc. Not anymore. Look how people are struggling with college debt and other liabilities. As times change we should also change. During our parent's time it was common to have 4-5 kids. Now people are frowned if they have three kids. I feel next generation will stop at one.
One of my coworker was struggling with home EMI and other obligation. He has one daughter and I was about to advise him not to go for second kid looking at his current job (in India) and income. Next week he announced his wife is pregnant and quit her job. I was little bit late and kept quiet. :)
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PeterGriffin
- Posts: 3327
- Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:12 am
One or Two kids?
Old-Spice2;588130I don't think kid will feel like an orphan. She will grow up, get married and have a family. If only you can provide a good education and support one should have more kids. World is getting more competitive with more people than when we grew up. Lack of resources, congestion etc is putting a strain on everyone.
The kid could have a family of its own but there will always be a tinge of sadness that the kid cannot share the experiences of growing up in her family with anyone that she resonates with. The single child will always yearn for that time in his/her life with her/his family during her/his formative years.
Everything else can be worked with. There are scores of people who have two kids but not the income that we *think* they should have. It's all subjective. Also, most of us who post here are supposedly in better living conditions than most that I can think of. If I can't send my kids to a private school in California, that's not the end of the world for me. I might live with sending them to state universities and let them build a future for themselves but have each other in the process. JMO! :)
One or Two kids?
PeterGriffin;588135The kid could have a family of its own but there will always be a tinge of sadness that the kid cannot share the experiences of growing up in her family with anyone that she resonates with. The single child will always yearn for that time in his/her life with her/his family during her/his formative years.
Everything else can be worked with. There are scores of people who have two kids but not the income that we *think* they should have. It's all subjective. Also, most of us who post here are supposedly in better living conditions than most that I can think of. If I can't send my kids to a private school in California, that's not the end of the world for me. I might live with sending them to state universities and let them build a future for themselves but have each other in the process. JMO! :)
PG you have hit the nail on the head with this sentence:
"that the kid cannot share the experiences of growing up in her family with anyone that she resonates with".
Great post.
One or Two kids?
Koolvictor,
I was in the same boat as you are in. I was mainly worried for the financial reasons. But went ahead and had our 2nd daughter. Now I am glad we made the decision to have the 2nd one. My reasoning was, even though you are financially worried now, what happens if you have loads of money but cannot have the 2nd child (It might be too late later as the age difference between the first child and second child will be huge). I am not in favor of adoption (adopted child is not the same as your own kid). Again in initial years, 2 kids expense is not always 2 * expense of 1 kid. Having 5 years apart will give you breather with respect to financially. You can always look at your financial history, this will give you a good idea how your finance will be.
I was in the same boat as you are in. I was mainly worried for the financial reasons. But went ahead and had our 2nd daughter. Now I am glad we made the decision to have the 2nd one. My reasoning was, even though you are financially worried now, what happens if you have loads of money but cannot have the 2nd child (It might be too late later as the age difference between the first child and second child will be huge). I am not in favor of adoption (adopted child is not the same as your own kid). Again in initial years, 2 kids expense is not always 2 * expense of 1 kid. Having 5 years apart will give you breather with respect to financially. You can always look at your financial history, this will give you a good idea how your finance will be.