One kid v/s two kids

wd40 · Post by **wd40** » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:31 am

Just curious what do you guys think is better, 1 child or 2 and the pros and cons. We have one daughter and she is 6 years old now. Both me and my wife are not too keen on having another child. We are not really that much into interacting with kids. It drains a lot of our energy and my wife is stay at home and is very close to my daughter and spends a lot of time with her, but also likes to have her own time. I am more of a computer guy and my daughter tries to pull me away to play with her. I play with her, but this is more like reluctant and I have to force myself. So considering this I dont think we will make good parents to 2 kids. The financial part is also something to consider, we are not very rich, but it would be easier for us financially to raise 1 kid.

The usual argument for I hear, for 2 kids is that, the kids will not be lonely and will grow up together. But I have my doubts on this as well. If not brought up well, there can be sibling rivalry and anyways, I find kids like to hang out with their own friends than siblings. What do you guys think?

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crazyforger · Post by **crazyforger** » Mon Dec 18, 2017 10:49 am

This one is very difficult. I am yet to decide as well.
Will watch this thread.

FlavourFlave · Post by **FlavourFlave** » Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:42 pm

wd40;667501Just curious what do you guys think is better, 1 child or 2 and the pros and cons. We have one daughter and she is 6 years old now. Both me and my wife are not too keen on having another child. We are not really that much into interacting with kids. It drains a lot of our energy and my wife is stay at home and is very close to my daughter and spends a lot of time with her, but also likes to have her own time. I am more of a computer guy and my daughter tries to pull me away to play with her. I play with her, but this is more like reluctant and I have to force myself. So considering this I dont think we will make good parents to 2 kids. The financial part is also something to consider, we are not very rich, but it would be easier for us financially to raise 1 kid.

The usual argument for I hear, for 2 kids is that, the kids will not be lonely and will grow up together. But I have my doubts on this as well. If not brought up well, there can be sibling rivalry and anyways, I find kids like to hang out with their own friends than siblings. What do you guys think?

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Best to stick with one. I don't think you are very interested in children.

The only reason might be if you want a male child. Since there has been no mention of that, let your daughter be your only child.

GutsyGibbon · Post by **GutsyGibbon** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:55 am

wd40;667501We have one daughter and she is 6 years old now. Both me and my wife are not too keen on having another child. We are not really that much into interacting with kids. It drains a lot of our energy and my wife is stay at home and is very close to my daughter and spends a lot of time with her, but also likes to have her own time. I am more of a computer guy and my daughter tries to pull me away to play with her. I play with her, but this is more like reluctant and I have to force myself. So considering this I dont think we will make good parents to 2 kids.

Watch out, before you blink she will be a young woman with headphones and a LCD screen glued to the face. :) You can beg and plead to play with her, talk to her, but it is not going to happen. You can be a good driver who drops her off at the mall/movie/concert, but not really a person who you can play with :)

Desi2return · Post by **Desi2return** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:35 am

wd40;667501Just curious what do you guys think is better, 1 child or 2 and the pros and cons. We have one daughter and she is 6 years old now. Both me and my wife are not too keen on having another child. We are not really that much into interacting with kids. It drains a lot of our energy and my wife is stay at home and is very close to my daughter and spends a lot of time with her, but also likes to have her own time. I am more of a computer guy and my daughter tries to pull me away to play with her. I play with her, but this is more like reluctant and I have to force myself. So considering this I dont think we will make good parents to 2 kids. The financial part is also something to consider, we are not very rich, but it would be easier for us financially to raise 1 kid.

The usual argument for I hear, for 2 kids is that, the kids will not be lonely and will grow up together. But I have my doubts on this as well. If not brought up well, there can be sibling rivalry and anyways, I find kids like to hang out with their own friends than siblings. What do you guys think?

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From the tone of your post, seems like you regret even having one kid....why bother with one more?

SSRK · Post by **SSRK** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:55 am

You just answered your own question---two will be too many from your tone. having had this one child, you've the responsibility to spend some quality time with the kid and raise her in a loving home--do not consider her a bother--spend some time now/be loving or you'll pay the price later--guaranteed! most problems in the society emanate from lack of love in childhood.

wd40 · Post by **wd40** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:24 am

Desi2return;667522From the tone of your post, seems like you regret even having one kid....why bother with one more?

No we certainly don't regret. It is not so black and white. Before we had our daughter, I and my wife were just fine. My wife wanted to have a child, I was hoping we could postpone couple of years. But I listened to my wife. After we had our daughter, I can't imagine life without my daughter now. But it is not like I want to be with her and play with her whole day. I need some time for myself as well. Also I believe there is no end to it, it is all about expectations. No matter how much you do, kids will always expect more. It is like my dad expected more from his dad. I expected more from my dad and my daughter will also expect more from me when she grows up. I kind of know this already. The trick is not about spending time or giving love. It is about setting and managing expectations and everything is relative.

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Sid · Post by **Sid** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:01 am

We had our second kid when older one was 4.5 yrs old. I always used to think we got delayed and the age gap was too much. But we were in for a pleasant surprise. The older one can’t have enough of the younger one (they are now 5.5 and 1). And the younger one is all crazy about the older. Gleams in their eyes, when they play together are well worth it. I think 4-5 yrs gap is actually a good one. Older one really takes care of younger one.

I don’t think you are late. But don’t make it any more later. The dynamics between two kids are just something so very different and amazing. Its almost like, until you fall in love with a girl for first time, you never knew about that part of yourselves. Until you have you first kid, you never knew about that kind of unconditional love. Similarly until you see the love between two of your children, and the happiness you will get, and the sibling love each one of them will feel, you will never kniw what you will miss.

Go for it.

Desi2return · Post by **Desi2return** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:32 am

wd40;667526No we certainly don't regret. It is not so black and white. Before we had our daughter, I and my wife were just fine. My wife wanted to have a child, I was hoping we could postpone couple of years. But I listened to my wife. After we had our daughter, I can't imagine life without my daughter now. But it is not like I want to be with her and play with her whole day. I need some time for myself as well. Also I believe there is no end to it, it is all about expectations. No matter how much you do, kids will always expect more. It is like my dad expected more from his dad. I expected more from my dad and my daughter will also expect more from me when she grows up. I kind of know this already. The trick is not about spending time or giving love. It is about setting and managing expectations and everything is relative.

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I hear you about spending time for the child. Its never easy.....I have a son and a daughter. I constantly have this guilty feeling that I am not doing enough for both. Being an guy I spend more time with my son than with my daughter (unfortunately) because I enjoy my son's activities (sports) more than my daughter's activities (music and dance). I feel guilty all the time that I don't spend equal time between both.

My only suggestion for you is - Having 2 kids means you will have to take care of both kid needs. Unless you are ready, you are better off with one. But either way, you will have to learn to work around your personal time priorities around kid's priorities. That is, you do your "me" time when the kid goes to sleep or before the kid wakes up or both.

Dovahkiin · Post by **Dovahkiin** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:07 pm

Everything is alright whether couple want one child or two or none. That's why in medical circles we call it 'Family Planning', We as Doctors just concern ourselves with care needed to regulate reproductive/sexual life as per couple's wishes. On Individual level, it doesn't matter, If you think You can best provide care to one child, It's absolutely right for you.