forum pundits
I wanted to seek your advise regarding a situation that i am in.
My in law (mother- FIL no more) does not respect me as she is a rich lady and i come from a low-mid middle class family. Eventhough i have made personal strides moving up the ladder and have taken care of her daughter very well but this financial gap creates an unbridgeable gap..
has anyone here faced similar situation where in you NOT are considered as a family member in the laws circle becos of your (family --i mean parents etc) financial social position?
I feel irritated, sad at time for being isolated..
How does your spouse position herself in this??
My spouse does not care to drive home the point to her mother that she needs to respect me and function as a single unit..
any advise?
:(
In Law and respect and R2i headache
In Law and respect and R2i headache
dilmangemore2011;409448forum pundits
I wanted to seek your advise regarding a situation that i am in.
My in law (mother- FIL no more) does not respect me as she is a rich lady and i come from a low-mid middle class family. Eventhough i have made personal strides moving up the ladder and have taken care of her daughter very well but this financial gap creats an unbridgeable gap..
has anyone here faced similar situation where in you are considered as a family member in the laws circle becos of your (family --i mean parents etc) financial social position?
I feel irritated, sad at time for being isolated..
How does you spouse position herself in this??
My spouse does not care to drive home the point to her mother that she needs to respect me and function as a single unit..
any advise?
:(
Do not measure the gap b/w you and your in-law. They might be rich. Looks like you are doing well and independent of your in-laws.
You do not need their support so just ignore them.
Just keep yourself very busy.
In Law and respect and R2i headache
dilmangemore2011;409448
has anyone here faced similar situation where in you NOT are considered as a family member in the laws circle becos of your (family --i mean parents etc) financial social position?
:(
Even if financial position match one will be lucky if they let DIL to enter their inner circle:)
Don't worry too much about all this. Sab chalta hai and hota hai*
Never ever R2I for anyone else but for you.
*Gist: Things happen.
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GutsyGibbon
- Posts: 1267
- Joined: Fri Jan 19, 2007 2:56 am
In Law and respect and R2i headache
In an indian context should'nt respect be given to elders by the young? :)
Instead, one should be happy that they married well, no need to support inlaws, and one day inherit some moolah. Ignore the negative comments, and appreciate the positive behavior/comments. Works like a charm with dogs, as well as in-laws.
j/k - just chillax man....
-GG
Instead, one should be happy that they married well, no need to support inlaws, and one day inherit some moolah. Ignore the negative comments, and appreciate the positive behavior/comments. Works like a charm with dogs, as well as in-laws.
j/k - just chillax man....
-GG
In Law and respect and R2i headache
My Roots;409483Even if financial position match one will be lucky if they let DIL to enter their inner circle:)
For a change this dilemma seems to be about the Son-in-Law, not DIL.
In Law and respect and R2i headache
Sarkar07;409489For a change this dilemma seems to be about the Son-in-Law, not DIL.
Oy la Sarkarji,
Dear OP, please correct the typo. Make DIL=SIL.
In Law and respect and R2i headache
Solution Option 1 (Management principle)
1. Identify the source of the conflict
2. Perform detailed analysis of the subject based on the conflict
3. Figure out if emotional, informational or character strength options can be applied to convince the subject
4. Form a goal statement with measurable objectives
5. Formulate the plan in small steps to achieve the objectives
6. Conduct face to face negotiation and be assertive of your needs (active listening, win-win strategies, self-interest)
7. Continue the plan to periodically measure and improve the relationship
Solution option 2 (Philosophical principle)
1. Respect every body the way you would like to be respected.
2. Confront the person directly in private with specific issues that upset you and express your feelings politely. Do not enlist an arbitrator or mediator. Do not expect anybody else to resolve your challenges.
3. Give the benefit of doubt to the older generation. After all she gave you the the love of your life. She did trust you to take care of the family. Hold your head high, be cheerful and do your part.
4. Every individual/situation is unique. There are no universal solutions that applies across all in-laws. I will be very cautious applying other family solutions.
PS: Both parties feel free to consider R2I charities in the future if this advice works.
1. Identify the source of the conflict
2. Perform detailed analysis of the subject based on the conflict
3. Figure out if emotional, informational or character strength options can be applied to convince the subject
4. Form a goal statement with measurable objectives
5. Formulate the plan in small steps to achieve the objectives
6. Conduct face to face negotiation and be assertive of your needs (active listening, win-win strategies, self-interest)
7. Continue the plan to periodically measure and improve the relationship
Solution option 2 (Philosophical principle)
1. Respect every body the way you would like to be respected.
2. Confront the person directly in private with specific issues that upset you and express your feelings politely. Do not enlist an arbitrator or mediator. Do not expect anybody else to resolve your challenges.
3. Give the benefit of doubt to the older generation. After all she gave you the the love of your life. She did trust you to take care of the family. Hold your head high, be cheerful and do your part.
4. Every individual/situation is unique. There are no universal solutions that applies across all in-laws. I will be very cautious applying other family solutions.
PS: Both parties feel free to consider R2I charities in the future if this advice works.
In Law and respect and R2i headache
dilmangemore2011;409448
My in law (mother- FIL no more) does not respect me as she is a rich lady and i come from a low-mid middle class family. Eventhough i have made personal strides moving up the ladder and have taken care of her daughter very well but this financial gap creates an unbridgeable gap..
Thats a serious problem. There is no easy solution. Rich people usually don't find not-so-rich very respectable...unless you are a plastic surgen. If I were you, I would keep a very safe mental distance from the 'inner circle'. Don't hold it against your in-law. You would do the same if you were in her position.
I must say that you are a far better man than myself. I would have taunted my wife so much that she would have left me for the 'inner circle' by now. So relax and enjoy the mental fortitude that you already seem to possess.
BTW, the terrible man in me wants to know just how rich is the rich lady. Private jet kind of rich or has three 1 BHK rented flats and a restaurant kind of rich?
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dilmangemore2011
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 7:52 pm
In Law and respect and R2i headache
MNOP
Rich is for me , not the private jet kind
but in wealth terms i can say she must be worth 4cr something.
for me its a distant figure!
Today IT folks many in this forum appear to be worth 4Cr + in their 30s.
Me in mid 30s no where near this figures::::)
But thanks for all the input
I am going to use management principle as suggested:cool:cool:cool
Rich is for me , not the private jet kind
but in wealth terms i can say she must be worth 4cr something.
for me its a distant figure!
Today IT folks many in this forum appear to be worth 4Cr + in their 30s.
Me in mid 30s no where near this figures::::)
But thanks for all the input
I am going to use management principle as suggested:cool:cool:cool
In Law and respect and R2i headache
This is like hindi film story (pyar jhukta nehi, Jamai raja ?)
So you have target amount to save infront of you. Once you have more than her, she will start respecting you.
As long as you are not "Ghar Jamai" why do you care ?
So you have target amount to save infront of you. Once you have more than her, she will start respecting you.
As long as you are not "Ghar Jamai" why do you care ?
dilmangemore2011;409448forum pundits
I wanted to seek your advise regarding a situation that i am in.
My in law (mother- FIL no more) does not respect me as she is a rich lady and i come from a low-mid middle class family. Eventhough i have made personal strides moving up the ladder and have taken care of her daughter very well but this financial gap creates an unbridgeable gap..
has anyone here faced similar situation where in you NOT are considered as a family member in the laws circle becos of your (family --i mean parents etc) financial social position?
I feel irritated, sad at time for being isolated..
How does your spouse position herself in this??
My spouse does not care to drive home the point to her mother that she needs to respect me and function as a single unit..
any advise?
:(