"If marriages are made in heaven, heaven includes both India and U.S.?"

Vj9 · Post by **Vj9** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 8:49 am

Namaste, I am a Ph.D. student – law major, came in 2008, studying in U.S. with 2 years left; and in early thirties. I got a match, approved by my and bride’s parents; saw the bride and both liked each other. Bride was born in U.S. to Indian parents, is a practicing doctor, willing to support me to serve Indian needy people, and relocate to India after 25 years so that children at least complete undergrad, earn good money, continue her profession. Except my attachment to India, everything is fine. She is genuinely interested to marry me. I want to develop India by entering into politics to become an honest M.P. after 15 years. She is supportive to bring my parents to U.S., I get a Green Card, and better than an average good Indian traditional girl. My parents say-‘develop first, and then develop others’; they hate politics. I can serve India indirectly, but not directly if I marry her. Guidance pls.

My Roots · Post by **My Roots** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 12:32 pm

Please come out of the mind set :"I am going to develop India" and hence R2I ing.
Focus on your personal priorities first.

Vj9 · Post by **Vj9** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:00 pm

Thank you for your kind reply. However, once a person marries an American born girl, his children belong to U.S., and their development favors U.S., and if I marry an Indian brought up girl, at least I can think of possibility to relocate to India by convincing wife since both belong to same country and patriotism, but it is not the case with my present situation. I appeared competitive exams to become Magistrate in India to serve India but missed (though cleared preliminary level), and opted for higher studies and confused with present situation. I am studying Ph.D. so that I could serve as an Asst. Professor in India as an alternative option if I fail in politics (because there is no guarantee that people believe in a leader who wants to develop average Indian life standards!). I believe, power comes from people, and the same power has the ability to develop people.

Chakra · Post by **Chakra** » Mon Dec 12, 2011 11:49 pm

My Roots;427601Please come out of the mind set :"I am going to develop India" and hence R2I ing.
Focus on your personal priorities first.

I see nothing wrong with that. Developing India and personal priority need not be mutually exclusive. An over the top example, if everyone focused on personal priorities, India (or US for that matter) would not have been free or as developed. I think wife/kids/job/parents by default may not be the only priority for everyone.

To Mr. Vj9. If you feel so strongly about serving India, I am not sure what you are doing in US. Unless you belong to a wealthy politically powerful family, in which case a foreign degree and a videshi wife definitely helps.

Vj9 · Post by **Vj9** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:58 am

Thank you for your kind response. International exposure expands our broad thinking perspective and enlightens our original destination. However, politics is a game where one can win or lose. A person working in a government job with less savings in India experiences practical difficulties to resign his job and contest in politics at the cost of his family's secured future by playing with his life losing his career [as well as in elections]. One who is willing to struggle to succeed in abroad can use such struggling spirit to develop his country once he achieves minimum security of life. A 10-15 years solid international experience in the legal field gives enough maturity and capability to contest in politics, with moderate savings for a middle class man's secured family future [to face election dilemma/crisis, i.e. contingent winning; and plan for a professional career as an alternative option].

arnold · Post by **arnold** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:00 am

Vj9;427683Thank you for your kind response. International exposure expands our broad thinking perspective and enlightens our original destination. However, politics is a game where one can win or lose. A person working in a government job with less savings in India experiences practical difficulties to resign his job and contest in politics at the cost of his family's secured future by playing with his life losing his career [as well as in elections]. One who is willing to struggle to succeed in abroad can use such struggling spirit to develop his country once he achieves minimum security of life. A 10-15 years solid international experience in the legal field gives enough maturity and capability to contest in politics, with moderate savings for a middle class man's secured family future [to face election dilemma/crisis, i.e. contingent winning; and plan for a professional career as an alternative option].

I think your parents are right. Marry the girl and live happily, don't worry about india for now. There's just too much mess out there for one person to clean.

Vj9 · Post by **Vj9** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:41 am

Thank you for your brief response. I am not worried for now, I am estimating the future. My parents are conservative just like other parents. Our heart/spirit motivates our mind, our mind controls our thoughts, our thoughts control our actions. A wife controls husband's heart not only as a wife, but also as his own heart and a good mother to his children. Sometimes I see humanity, innocence, honesty, expertise, high educational and moral values with a genuine intention to marry me by a settled U.S. citizen cum doctor who is also a traditional girl of Indian origin [who even not looking at my unsettled student life with a student visa!], her parents' aspirations to make me as their son/-in-law, and my parents' expectations that I settle in my life quickly and happily with a down to earth attitude to understand the realities. Can anyone expect a person who is born and brought up in another country to have Indian patriotism? Obviously, cannot! If I help needy people of India, I say I serve India. If ABCDs help needy people of India, they say they help India [and I guess same applies to anyone who stands in the same shoes, nothing wrong.]! Seeking help and expertise to decide my priorities since I know many of you are highly educated with practical outlook.

indian_at_heart · Post by **indian_at_heart** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 4:32 am

Please excuse my plain talk and ignore it if you feel it is too harsh. If you have really found a person of the opposite gender with the qualities you have mentioned before, who is really interested in you and who is honest about accomodating your desires as you have mentioned before please consider you have hit a jackpot. If you want her to be all of this and also be a true blue patriot of India you are asking for way too much. If you are serious about dedicating your life to the service of the country, then marriage does not gel with such a goal. You cannot have your finger in both pies. Like Bhagath Singh you have to forego your marriage for the larger goal you have.
Otherwise you will make both your lives unhappy.

Vj9 · Post by **Vj9** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 4:44 am

Thank you for your solid critic. I am not expecting the bride to be a true blue patriot of India, but I badly need her support and I doubt whether she can understand it or not due to conflicting national interests. However, I am unable to decide as you dictate, because, how to choose one between two: my marriage to the girl I specified is a practical possibility of a motherly wife v. unpredictable but unending zeal to serve my mother India.

indian_at_heart · Post by **indian_at_heart** » Tue Dec 13, 2011 6:31 am

Then set your personal life in order (marry!) and make it you #1 goal to build a enriching harmonious relation with your future wife.
Set aside the 'service goal' for now, you may get some opportunity in future to pursue your zeal but once you marry you should keep it as a secondary goal.
For all you know in 15-20 years India may be a developed capitalist country and your service ethos may be better utilized in USA!!