Hi all, I have been following R2Iclub since 2005. Thanks to RRK,admins, and all members for their valuable input.
Back ground: I am 31 years old, spouse 31 years. No kids. I am from south, spouse from east India (hmm not sure if that’s geographically very accurate, doesn’t matter anyways). Met in US. Both of us - MS ->H1 and then R2Ied. Stay in US 8 years.
Pre-R2I
Reason for R2I- Opportunity and sense of belonging.
Dilemma Before R2I – Whether it is the right time to R2I. Should we get GC and then citizenship? Should we have kids in US? (Many of my friends asked me….”don’t you want to give your kids a chance by giving birth to them in US?” One of my friends came to US after his wife got pregnant so that the kid could get citizenship)
Doubts before R2I – Will we able to adjust to the work culture? Will we be spending hours at office with out having personal life? Will we be able to take the whole package India has to offer with out thinking about R2A?
Emotional Stuff/thoughts before R2I- Was never able to relate to some things in US. At office lunches when people used to talk about Tolkein, movies like star wars/Clerks, NFL, their childhood memories associated with sand box behind their homes, etc. I used to feel left out. I had some knowledge about them but never could feel the same way as Americans did. When Oprah Winfrey in her show said “There is probably a generation born when parents made love listening to Nat King Cole” the feeling and nostalgia associated with that was something I was and will never be able to understand. It was the same when it came to community I lived in US, the paper I read, the shows I watched on TV; unable to relate. With culture comes witty humor. In India, I used to enjoy being in a group able to crack and understand jokes. I started missing this in US. All these simple things drove me towards R2I
Post R2I
Did I get sense of belonging? ----- Yes and I am happy in that aspect.
Were we able to tackle our doubts effectively? ------- NO. My spouse is seeing horrible work culture, is in non IT. India as a whole left us thinking about R2A. Its not roads,pollution or population that are problems for us. It is attitude of people. Colleagues at work, maid at home, customer service people, auto drivers etc. I had seen this attitude problems even in US when there were lot of desis in a company I worked. With out going into details, I painfully realized even I have bit of that attitude. Its just that in US I never had to show such attitude.
Was the timing of R2I right?– From financial point of view it was not the right time. We should have saved more money to give us flexibility with kind of job we want to do after R2I. But otherwise the timing was right since we came back when both our parents are relatively physically fit. All our relatives have not yet forgotten us. I am still in touch with couple of my friends here in India and we meet often. (Rest of them i.e. about 30 of them are in US!!!)
Should we have waited for GC/citizenship? --- No regrets for not waiting.
Should we had waited to have kids in US? --- For me the only reason why I would have wanted my kids to be born in US, was for opportunities. Instead of trying to guess how my kids will survive the competition in India, I researched on avenues if my kid turned out to be an average performer. I looked for such average kids in my relatives’ circle and realized that there are ways to make money with out being an engineer and doctor. Will these avenues remain even after 15 years in India? I think that it is a futile effort to plan for 15 years ahead of time. So no regrets again and time will make things clearer.
Overall lessons learnt:
For an average performer R2Ing and being gainfully employed is tough Do not use R2Iclub.com or any other forum for that matter for taking decisions based on emotions. Initially I have misused R2Iclub. Later I used it only to gather practical information. Material comforts is not an issue but people in India are the problem Never generalize.What is good for one need not be good for me and vice versa.
All other stuff like shipping, job search etc are well addressed by other members.
I hope to add to this R2I dairy till I attain stable state i.e. either decide on LIA for ever or if I R2A, I will contribute till 2-3 months after I R2A.
r2ikyon;83332With out going into details, I painfully realized even I have bit of that attitude. Its just that in US I never had to show such attitude.[/quote] r2ikyon,
It's great and useful self criticism and not very easy to utter those words and accept. There are lot of times I used to be like that but my living in US gave me a good chance to address those issues and improve. Also "How to win friends and influence people" book had a great impact on me.
Great post and I hope R2I works for you otherwise you have to take the tough and correct decisions for your situation. Please keep posting.
I commend your posting. It is frank and honest. Please keep posting. I think if it comes to the point where you really hate it do not hesitate to R2A. Since you do not have kids yet you can also do a strategic kid-bearing R2A mission for 2-3 years and R2I back. Reg money - yes it is the grease that makes it easier. R2I experie nces depend quite a bit on how much grease you can apply. My friends who R2Ied with million dolllar net worths or houses paid for or expat salary deals look at the world totally differently.
Also "How to win friends and influence people" book had a great impact on me.
[/quote] Thank you for the pointer. Will try to gain from it.
Nand;83361, I commend your posting. It is frank and honest. Please keep posting. I think if it comes to the point where you really hate it do not hesitate to R2A. Since you do not have kids yet you can also do a strategic kid-bearing R2A mission for 2-3 years and R2I back. [/quote]
Thank you Nand. Let me see how it goes. Time will tell. I will post my experience.
r2ikyon;83332 Were we able to tackle our doubts effectively? ------- NO. My spouse is seeing horrible work culture, is in non IT. India as a whole left us thinking about R2A. Its not roads,pollution or population that are problems for us. It is attitude of people. Colleagues at work, maid at home, customer service people, auto drivers etc. I had seen this attitude problems even in US when there were lot of desis in a company I worked. With out going into details, I painfully realized even I have bit of that attitude. Its just that in US I never had to show such attitude.
[/quote]
I had the same issues as yourself. I R2Ied and found that I was too shouting or loosing my temper when the cable walah or the Gas walah would ot show up at the agreed time. I just kept loosing my cool.
Another time I get angry is while driving at bangalore roads. I used to get so angry to the point of almost banging my car into the motor cyclist who could do a 75 deg turn and cross from the extreme left of the road to go and make a right turn etc etc..
Then I thought .. it is futile. I should accept the way Indian customer service works.. I should accept the way traffic drives here... and Keep my cool. I need to change to accept the culture AND not think of why the culture cannot change?
I know we want to change things here.. but as a first step... if I don't blend in and change myself first.. I may not be able to survive very long.. to be still there when the time comes to change the culture..
Once I accepted the above.. driving has been relatively smoother ever since..
I know we want to change things here.. but as a first step... if I don't blend in and change myself first.. I may not be able to survive very long.. to be still there when the time comes to change the culture..
Once I accepted the above.. driving has been relatively smoother ever since..
Just after I R2Ied, at a round about (we have those in UK), I gave the right of way to guy on the round about and he looked at me as if I was mad. I still do that.
I also still stop behind the line at the red light. And guess what, I have noticed others in other lanes stopping as well. This also makes the guy behind them stop as well.
Yeah, let us keep doing that, one day maybe if not our children, our grand children will be able to drive sensibly in India.
Even in New Jersey, if someone gives right of way, it might cause accident or frustrate the people behind. People follow traffic rules, but don't stop when the light turns yellow. Yellow means, press the gas and cross the light quickly. It is just that traffic makes us do crazy things.
I know it is very bad in India. Again, the difference in speed limits cause less accidents in India and so, people don't care much. Here, the impact is too high and also points on driving record, state with highest insurance premiums play their role.
mm2008R2I;83950Even in New Jersey, if someone gives right of way, it might cause accident or frustrate the people behind. People follow traffic rules, but don't stop when the light turns yellow. Yellow means, press the gas and cross the light quickly. It is just that traffic makes us do crazy things.
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Well in UK if you have an accident when not giving the right of way to a vehicle on the round about; you are considered at fault. Even if you do not have an accident and a cop spots you, you will be challaned.
Yes, I have been told that the British traffic is much more civilised then in US.
It's great and useful self criticism and not very easy to utter those words and accept. There are lot of times I used to be like that but my living in US gave me a good chance to address those issues and improve. Also "How to win friends and influence people" book had a great impact on me.
Great post and I hope R2I works for you otherwise you have to take the tough and correct decisions for your situation. Please keep posting.[/quote]
I like to read these kinds of books and follow. But unfortunately it’s too difficult to follow these things in India. People are so rude they just don’t understand the respect and praise you are giving. If you do that they think you are too soft. Some people just don’t understand.. they are beyond repair.
You can even find some in IT as well. They know politics well. They put more effort there to learn tricks and back stabbing.
I am not saying everyone is like that but I am sure you come across some people you just can’t use these things on them though they are educated.
taan ta taan;83974I like to read these kinds of books and follow. But unfortunately it?s too difficult to follow these things in India. People are so rude they just don?t understand the respect and praise you are giving. If you do that they think you are too soft. Some people just don?t understand.. they are beyond repair.
You can even find some in IT as well. They know politics well. They put more effort there to learn tricks and back stabbing.
I am not saying everyone is like that but I am sure you come across some people you just can?t use these things on them though they are educated.
I am still buying this book though! :emwink:[/quote] Taan_ta_Taan, You are so right. There are some techniques/examples in this book to deal with very difficult people. There are some people who refuse to change and take their bad habits to their graves and nothing works on them. I being a lesser mortal, generally try to avoid/minimize my interactions with them. I missed the author earlier. "How to Win Friends & Influence Peple - Dale Carnegie".
R2iKyon, If you don't want these follow-up discussions on your blog, we will move them to Hijack & Banter thread. I personally would like to have follow-up discussions on my blog to spice things up and keep the thread alive while I was slacking :emwink:
