Unexplainable India calling - Possible R2I 2021

panroots · Post by **panroots** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 8:18 am

Let me first state that I am really Glad to be on this forum and the opportunity to learn from so many of you and the views, experiences shared here. Truly thankful.
Have gone through many of the dilemma posts - feels good to be in company. This is my first post , so kindly excuse Incase any forum guidelines are not complied or any other mistake

Little Bit of background
* Family of 4
* Me and my wife naturalized as USc 2 years ago, have lifetime OCi
* Both me and wife are working
* 2 boys -11 and 5 yrs old born in the Us
* Both my parents - passed away
* My wife parents - in their late seventies and in India
* My younger brother is Settled in India - married and 2 kids
* My wife 2 siblings ( brother and sister) - settled in UK

Been in the US for 12 years, thankful for everything this wonderful country has offered to me and family. Although always wanting to r2i , drivers for r2i have changed over years and the unexplainable inner calling continues. Wife neutral but would prefer continuing in the US. she favors being in US more - weather , earning potential, less pollution , privacy , kids higher education prospects, distance from the typical ongoing minor conflicts and intent to avoid challenges maintaining cordial relationships/distance setting with extended family.
Realize lot has changed in India on many fronts - people, familiar places, lifestyle, road infra, traffic, bonding within relatives , friends , cost of living, culture, interaction/expectation of extended family members ( esp after my mom passed away couple of years ago - she was the eldest in her family of 8 children )... the heavy feeling while leaving India every year , has come down as well ( maybe the feeling that my parents are in me and with me wherever I am ) - but some unknown emotional comfort creeps in with every thought of being in India
Have to be honest that I have Discomfort with the thought of a multi-racial next generation in my family - nothing wrong or bad but just feel it may create further distance via lifestyle choices due to culture shift - do realize nothing guarantees this will not happen if kids grow up in India , but just think of probabilities

Between me and wife - about 150k usd in 401k and other savings .. mortgage payments in India and US for next couple decades - if it was purely on financial grounds , would continue in the US for another 10 years atleast - but then it may be too late ( if not already), considering kids age, our health etc

My Desire is to r2i by 2021 after selling home in US, find a job for both of us in India and make the move. Work for another 10 years in India and retire. My wife is starting to think at options for work( her employer has a setup in India) and kid school choices but is not fully into the idea and wants to keep options open for r2a Incase of issues. My view is that r2i and r2a are both financial and psychological hit/shifts - once decided , better accept grow into it and make r2i work

I don?t want to force my interest on dear wife to r2i as it is important for both of us to make the decision and handle the consequences together . Kids don?t seem to have any strong views yet, although elder one is starting to comment on positives , differences ( without any bias on either country).

I am ok with Kids studying in any reasonably recognized college in India and continue their base as India but wife has a view that if they don?t get into a top tier institute in India it is better to send them to a university in the US.

One heck of possibly the usual dilemma, confused state of mind, considerations. Any guidance, wisdom would be greatly appreciated

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crazyforger · Post by **crazyforger** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 8:48 am

You guys are US citizens.......if you want to r2i in future.....just do it now.

Don't brood over it for 2-3 years.

Life is too short.... get that itch taken care off right away ��

techynt · Post by **techynt** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 7:19 pm

Moving from country to country costs money. So the big question is can you afford it?

Not to mention you dont have a job lined up in India. How about you do that first and afterwards R2I?

If one does not have a job lined up then there is a small risk you cannot find any job for a long time....since your skills and rank may not fit anything in India.

If you have about million in savings, I would not worry and go scratch this itch by moving to India and from there whatever happens wont be a big deal since you may end up spending 200-300k between R2I and R2A.

Even if one of you gets a job which pays better than 20 lacs, then also you can go ahead and try this move.

wd40 · Post by **wd40** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 7:37 pm

120k is not a lot and how will you retire in 10 years, with Indian salary and savings? I would suggest don't R2I, I don't see any strong reasons, especially since your wife is not fully onboard with it. Stay in the US for another 10 years/until your kids finish their college and are independent. Then you can consider R2I.

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kingeleven · Post by **kingeleven** » Sun Sep 23, 2018 2:42 am

150k savings after 12 years.. What happened to the rest of the money which seems low.. Or do you have investments in India.. From a pure financial point of view, I would not but depends..

techynt · Post by **techynt** » Sun Sep 23, 2018 2:51 am

150k is only in 401k, I am hoping another 200k in property investments in India and USA.

kingeleven;681475150k savings after 12 years.. What happened to the rest of the money which seems low.. Or do you have investments in India.. From a pure financial point of view, I would not but depends..

wd40 · Post by **wd40** » Sun Sep 23, 2018 3:17 am

[QUOTE]Have to be honest that I have Discomfort with the thought of a multi-racial next generation in my family - nothing wrong or bad but just feel it may create further distance via lifestyle choices due to culture shift - do realize nothing guarantees this will not happen if kids grow up in India , but just think of probabilities

This seems to be your main driver for R2I. Bear in mind, this can happen to kids who grow up in India and then go overseas for their college or work. I believe, you should let kids be on their own after they finish college. The distance will happen no matter what. Kids these days dont really stay with parents and if they dont stay with parents, then it doesnt matter what race the spouse of the kid is, since your interaction is going to be minimal anyways.

panroots · Post by **panroots** » Sun Sep 23, 2018 4:50 am

Appreciate all the practical views and inputs . Missed couple things 70k in kids education savings fund .Property equity in India and US would be another 150k. Have term and health insurance policies in India . We could have saved more but chose to spend on things important to the family over the last decade along with choosing to take breaks in employment of my wife for about 6-7 years for both kids

On the work front - both me and my wife employer have India operations and we may be able to plan a movement there without having to search extensively across companies.

I agree, r2i from financial perspective may sound like a better choice but waiting for another 10-15 years means more gap in relationships back home ( not being around for important family events/occasions does widen the gaps) and strengthening the ties in the US - esp. for the kids. With the widened relationship gaps - worried there may be no reason to r2i at all in future , as a family and could only be a seasonal tourist with no strong bonds back in India. We are unable to naturally connect and bond with other culture folks here - mostly our diet choices are restricted and we don?t drink as well even socially (this limits hosting people etc). Tried , but didn?t find interest in local sports , movie/tv shows which can help open conversations leading to mutual interests

Concerned that Implications may be further for kids as they are not able to fully tune into either culture and lifestyle

panroots · Post by **panroots** » Sun Sep 23, 2018 4:59 am

wd40;681478This seems to be your main driver for R2I. Bear in mind, this can happen to kids who grow up in India and then go overseas for their college or work. I believe, you should let kids be on their own after they finish college. The distance will happen no matter what. Kids these days dont really stay with parents and if they dont stay with parents, then it doesnt matter what race the spouse of the kid is, since your interaction is going to be minimal anyways.

So, true . Hope is that the reasons such as festivals, family occasions to meet would be natural and continue if married in same race.

wd40 · Post by **wd40** » Sun Sep 23, 2018 6:14 am

panroots;681480Appreciate all the practical views and inputs . Missed couple things 70k in kids education savings fund .Property equity in India and US would be another 150k. Have term and health insurance policies in India . We could have saved more but chose to spend on things important to the family over the last decade along with choosing to take breaks in employment of my wife for about 6-7 years for both kids

On the work front - both me and my wife employer have India operations and we may be able to plan a movement there without having to search extensively across companies.

I agree, r2i from financial perspective may sound like a better choice but waiting for another 10-15 years means more gap in relationships back home ( not being around for important family events/occasions does widen the gaps) and strengthening the ties in the US - esp. for the kids. With the widened relationship gaps - worried there may be no reason to r2i at all in future , as a family and could only be a seasonal tourist with no strong bonds back in India. We are unable to naturally connect and bond with other culture folks here - mostly our diet choices are restricted and we don?t drink as well even socially (this limits hosting people etc). Tried , but didn?t find interest in local sports , movie/tv shows which can help open conversations leading to mutual interests

Concerned that Implications may be further for kids as they are not able to fully tune into either culture and lifestyle

Is there not a desi population heavy areas near the place you live? In Singapore, most of my colleagues are Indians. My daughter goes to an Indian school. There are so many Indians here. We feel we live in India away from India. We watch Sony Liv, Indian Idol, Kaun Banega Crorepati. My daughter knows the names of the popular Indian film stars and knows the latest Hindi songs as well. We are totally cut off from the local life here. There is Kannada Sangha and others who organise lot of events. My daughter is going for Indian classical singing classes.

But my daughter says India is poor and dirty. She is only 7 years old. So it could be possible that even though we bring up our daughter in Indianness, she will still hate India. But we are giving her a very clear Indian identity. There is no confusion for her.

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