Aren\'t we all doomed to be dual minds or is it just me ?

[DesBhakt]

There are obviously things that you know at the back of your mind that you won't get back in India and vice versa. Right now the "worry" of loosing these "things" of the US if you go back to India is weighing on you more than the things that you would gain when you go back to India. Obviously, there is the obvious inertia of being in a place which is weighing on you much higher now that you are married than when you were single.

Great post.

[sunny123]

What does your wife thinks about it? I didn't see you mention her at all.

R2I 2019, She is overall positive and supportive of my decision.
She is born and brought up in US.. we met here.She doesn't have any close family connections here...and admires my big family and the fun and security it brings and she clearly sees pluses it can bring to our child.... but she has problems with noise, pollution... so overall positive..

[sunny123]

Long post and sure you are confused :emsmileo:
But somewhere did you say your business was flourishing. Why would I work on a 9 to 6 job If I had a business ?. And did you also say you have a flat in bangalore ?
If I were you, I would just pack and go. Give a shot at flourishing your business more and perhaps your skills of working in the US can come in handy and you can expand into other areas.So, be with your family and let the kid enjoy the adulation.

R2IBLR09.. did you R2I or planning to ? Thanks for reading long(!) and confused post... I am glad I did post.. I had been thinking about doing it and
it is helping me clarify my thoughts.

I have flat in Bangalore.. Business is family business.. its joint family business... my brother takes care of it... business is at my native.. living there
would be asking too much from my wife... First time she ever visited India was just before we got married... I think that is out of the question.

I am glad I posted, because I think I am getting more clear(I Hope I stay on this conclusion now!).... I think I am going to do it.. pack things and go by April end... and see how things go in Pune... Thanks R2IBLR

[sunny123]

Quick question: Are you a chess player? I see starting game, variations, middle game, strategies etc. etc :) I also dont agree with ignorance is bliss attitude. But at the same time I dont like analysis paralysis state too. Action is important and move on and enjoy the life.

:D

I hear that a lot... (too much analysis!!!!) No, I didn't say ignorance is bliss...
Knowledge is all important... (Stark fan (!!?) of the prayer... Asato ma Sat Gamaya...).

I believe in Action too... problem is "Acting" on this belief ! :-)

Thanks for replying...

Does anyone have plans to start business in Pune (IT or not IT!) ?

[Chakravyuh]

R2IBLR09.. did you R2I or planning to ? Thanks for reading long(!) and confused post... I am glad I did post.. I had been thinking about doing it and
it is helping me clarify my thoughts.

I have flat in Bangalore.. Business is family business.. its joint family business... my brother takes care of it... business is at my native.. living there
would be asking too much from my wife... First time she ever visited India was just before we got married... I think that is out of the question.

I am glad I posted, because I think I am getting more clear(I Hope I stay on this conclusion now!).... I think I am going to do it.. pack things and go by April end... and see how things go in Pune... Thanks R2IBLR[/quote]
Please feel free to read my own blog R2I Bangalore Diary..
sometimes writing it down in a blog like this helps out ...there are lot of members that provide invaluable information and it is so useful

[sunny123]

There are obviously things that you know at the back of your mind that you won't get back in India and vice versa. Right now the "worry" of loosing these "things" of the US if you go back to India is weighing on you more than the things that you would gain when you go back to India. Obviously, there is the obvious inertia of being in a place which is weighing on you much higher now that you are married than when you were single.

Great post.

DesBhakt, Thanks for reply and hitting the nail on the head. That is correct. There is pro and con... but its the fear of "Am I going to make complete fool of myself by leaving a safe(there is some doubt about that in this market - let's say reasonably safe) job, and hunting for a job in tough market in Pune." I am tending towards ..sure let's do it..even at "that" risk.

How can You tell I am thinking (analyzing) too much!! I had a dream last night... I saw my boss giving me pink slip !! :D

I think, writing about it helped me clear the clutter of thoughts a bit... I am tending towards taking the chance and jumping...

[R2I-2019]

R2I 2019, She is overall positive and supportive of my decision.
She is born and brought up in US.. we met here.She doesn't have any close family connections here...and admires my big family and the fun and security it brings and she clearly sees pluses it can bring to our child.... but she has problems with noise, pollution... so overall positive..[/quote]

If I were you, I would be very careful. There are some other threads on this website where people born and brought up here have same issues as your wife. Going on vacation is very different then settling there. For someone who lived here all their life, it can get very stressful to finish even mundane task. Just to pay your bills can be very cumbersome and this is just a start. Maybe taking mini R2I can be a option as well. Visiting for 2-3months is very different than settling there. When you visit you deal with everything as an adventure. But those adventures can get old really quick.

Your personal/professional situation does not seem as complicated as it could be for your wife.

[ubn76]

To OP,
Keeping in mind that your wife is a USC-by-birth, you might want to shelve any thoughts of moving into small town India. Pick big cities, Bangalore should work (if your spouse is a rush hour commuter she wont worry about the chaotic traffic), though Mumbai, Delhi would be better for settling down.

Remember, within 40 miles family setting may look fine at first to her, but later it will clash with the general independence mode of upbringing in US.

Me and my wife are from different regions in India and hence decided to stay a flight away from families on either side. Gives us enough head wind when anyone decides to come visit. The connection is we both went to US immediately after our undergrad, and basically matured as adults in the company of non-Indian friends and their families and ended up assimilating the independence that people show in their thinking and living. Good or bad, I wont comment, but we like to do things our way, with no meddling from friends/family.

[dbs]

admires my big family and the fun and security it brings and she clearly sees pluses it can bring to our child.

Grass is greener on the other side. The proof of pudding is in eating it. Depending on ones nature a big family can be nourishing or stifling. Earlier I could see no challenges. You could go back and if you don't like it there, you could come back, no big deal.
But now you have a real challenge. The challenge to your family life and the challenge to yout personal ambitions. Not knowing you or your wife, no advice can be sane advice.
You have to take into consideration what your wife will really like. Something can be very alluring not having had it earlier, but after the novelty wears of many do come back to chawal-daal and prefer that as the normal fare instead of caviar.
____________________________________________________________
Everything exchanged - bycycles, irons, airconditioners, steros..... Bring your wife along and have a lovely time bargaining.

[sunny123]

Thanks Guys... Very valid points.

We have done mini R2Is.

Once whole year (almost) immediately after we got married. We were in Bangalore. It was very challenging... but to our rescue, we had close friends around.
Another mini R2I was - Our daughter was born in India... I took 5 months break from career.. and were in India with my parents. So we have gone thro. the phase(s) of caviar to Daal-Chawal... we are quite aware of the challenges there, and also understand the that there is such thing as "being too close" to family.

Ever since I blogged about "all gibberish" from my mind... I am finding myself at peace about "jumping" and then worrying about what..where when..
(No guts no glory.. ! ;) nah... not that daring.. just for fun.. always wanted to say that :D)

I hunted on forums for like minded.. who want to go to Pune (or close by in M.S.) and start business... getting in production can be good now. I think I am going to pursue that... even if (I hope when!) I get a job in Pune.