Joint Family and R2I
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Confused_Desi
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 8:28 am
Joint Family and R2I
Has anybody returned or planning to return to a joint family with parents & siblings back home? Those who have returned to joint family, what are the issues you faced or how easy is it to adjust back with the parents & siblings?
Joint Family and R2I
Personally, I like living in a joint family...surprisingly the other (probably better) half seems to like it too. Problem though is whether our siblings and their families would want to live together - not to mention the RE needs.
So, living close by - even next door would not be a bad idea. But then, would that qualify as living in a joint family??? Who cares...as long as all of our needs and egos are satisfied...right?
I'm assuming living with parents is a no-brainer...or is it??? For me, it's simply a default - am I blessed or what?
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God bless the old Indian culture and tradition. -DJ :cool:
So, living close by - even next door would not be a bad idea. But then, would that qualify as living in a joint family??? Who cares...as long as all of our needs and egos are satisfied...right?
I'm assuming living with parents is a no-brainer...or is it??? For me, it's simply a default - am I blessed or what?
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God bless the old Indian culture and tradition. -DJ :cool:
Joint Family and R2I
Confused_Desi;11929
how easy is it to adjust back with the parents & siblings?
[/quote]
Is this supposed to be a difficult question??? If it is...check my quote (below) and post your thoughts.
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It's always as easy or as difficult as we make it out to be. -DJ :cool:
Joint Family and R2I
1. Living with parents is a no brainer or taken as default for me. But, will the parents want to live with us. This is a difficult question as it depends on family to family and various reasons.
From my personal exp.... I recently purchased a villa (will be ready in 2008) and have told my parents that we would be living in this new 3300s.ft villa together when I return to India and the answer was NO!... They live on the other side of the city and I would not be able to commute to work from there everyday (with the current traffic it would be 3hrs travel everyday). The reason is that they would want to live on their own as it would be comfortable for my siblings when they visit India on extended stays. Our home (the home I grew up) is massive and beautiful and my parents have stable income and have never been dependent on anyone since they were married.
BTW, My parents love my wife and vice-versa.. So, no indian filmi issues there.
I haven't found a solution to this yet. Hopefully will find a solution by the time I R2I.
2. W.r.t living with sibilings.. Definetly not in the same house.. Would prefer in the same neigbourhood (walking distance). Just for the simple reason that all of us have lived abroad and are 2 damn independent. Why live together and feel sorry later and hope that you never R2I.
My 2Cents without discount:emteeth:
From my personal exp.... I recently purchased a villa (will be ready in 2008) and have told my parents that we would be living in this new 3300s.ft villa together when I return to India and the answer was NO!... They live on the other side of the city and I would not be able to commute to work from there everyday (with the current traffic it would be 3hrs travel everyday). The reason is that they would want to live on their own as it would be comfortable for my siblings when they visit India on extended stays. Our home (the home I grew up) is massive and beautiful and my parents have stable income and have never been dependent on anyone since they were married.
BTW, My parents love my wife and vice-versa.. So, no indian filmi issues there.
I haven't found a solution to this yet. Hopefully will find a solution by the time I R2I.
2. W.r.t living with sibilings.. Definetly not in the same house.. Would prefer in the same neigbourhood (walking distance). Just for the simple reason that all of us have lived abroad and are 2 damn independent. Why live together and feel sorry later and hope that you never R2I.
My 2Cents without discount:emteeth:
DoctorJ;11948Is this supposed to be a difficult question??? If it is...check my quote (below) and post your thoughts.
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It's always as easy or as difficult as we make it out to be. -DJ :cool:[/quote]
Joint Family and R2I
Well, everybody's situation is unique and different...without knowing all the variables in the equation; it's not easy to generalize. Hopefully, I've tried to make it clear in my previous posts.
That said, if one has an inclination, it's not too hard to make such things happen. Of course when we do, we need to be considerate on the needs, likes and wishes of others - the other variables (both dependent and independent) in the equation.
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Not all problems have a generalized solution. -DJ :cool:
That said, if one has an inclination, it's not too hard to make such things happen. Of course when we do, we need to be considerate on the needs, likes and wishes of others - the other variables (both dependent and independent) in the equation.
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Not all problems have a generalized solution. -DJ :cool:
Joint Family and R2I
I would prefer to live close but separate. There is so much space clash and it may not always work out good.
The more vocal ones try to suppress the creativity of others by their continous commentry. It is hard to do any inspirational work.
Having said that you also need people to talk.
For me i need both, solitude as well as company. Just their timings differ.
The more vocal ones try to suppress the creativity of others by their continous commentry. It is hard to do any inspirational work.
Having said that you also need people to talk.
For me i need both, solitude as well as company. Just their timings differ.
Joint Family and R2I
Nicely put #6
Just exactly what I think but you have managed to put it in few but effective words......:)
Today everyone needs their own space and living in same house may mean you have to give up that when you dont want to......so better go for best of both worlds.....stay close enough but not too close....:)
Just exactly what I think but you have managed to put it in few but effective words......:)
Today everyone needs their own space and living in same house may mean you have to give up that when you dont want to......so better go for best of both worlds.....stay close enough but not too close....:)
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money_in_my_mind
- Posts: 123
- Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:44 am
Joint Family and R2I
Allow me to be the first one on this thread to cut the emotional/nostalgic factor out of the equation. Having done that, majority of mobile/independent parents, no matter how old/weak or even sick will not trade their independence by locking themselves in a golden mansion built by their kids. They have spent decades where they are living and wouldn't even consider leaving their current place, no matter how old/shabby you think it is. Reasons: they are used to it. I have known parents who won't move to another street few blocks away for the same reason. Throw in MIL/DIL issues to the mix and you've got yourself an answer.:emsmile: The best you can hope for is to visit each other every few weeks/months depending on whether you are in same city or not.
Regarding siblings, I believe that's a no brainer. Unless you have unmarried ones, that should be a no-no for most, given the family politics and the interference that siblings' spouses(male/female) bring with themselves. I would avoid the city altogether for that very reason, but that's just me.
Regarding siblings, I believe that's a no brainer. Unless you have unmarried ones, that should be a no-no for most, given the family politics and the interference that siblings' spouses(male/female) bring with themselves. I would avoid the city altogether for that very reason, but that's just me.
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bornhyderabadi
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2007 3:26 am
Joint Family and R2I
Well Said! Totally Agree!
money_in_my_mind;12101Allow me to be the first one on this thread to cut the emotional/nostalgic factor out of the equation. Having done that, majority of mobile/independent parents, no matter how old/weak or even sick will not trade their independence by locking themselves in a golden mansion built by their kids. They have spent decades where they are living and wouldn't even consider leaving their current place, no matter how old/shabby you think it is. Reasons: they are used to it. I have known parents who won't move to another street few blocks away for the same reason. Throw in MIL/DIL issues to the mix and you've got yourself an answer.:emsmile: The best you can hope for is to visit each other every few weeks/months depending on whether you are in same city or not.
Regarding siblings, I believe that's a no brainer. Unless you have unmarried ones, that should be a no-no for most, given the family politics and the interference that siblings' spouses(male/female) bring with themselves. I would avoid the city altogether for that very reason, but that's just me.[/quote]
Joint Family and R2I
If your parents are hoping for you to live with them when you r2i.. and you and your family wish to stay near by but seperate, then its a tough situation. We had similar situation, we stayed with parents for around 2 years and later bought a plot close by built our house and are living close by now. It was difficult. My parents felt nice that we did not move to rental place as soon as we returned.